If you could do it over...

Last night my husband and I went to the Cards game w/some very very dear friends. On the way home, while stuck in traffic, my one friend posed the question "If you could go back to one point in your life and change your decision or action, what would you do differently?" Apparently, she and her husband had discussed this on the way to stl (they are currently living in Kentucky), and she was curious as to what our responses would be.

It was really hard to decide. At first I thought I'd want go back to my senior year of high school. If I could do it over, I would take it more seriously. By my senior year, I was so ready to be done with school. I was tired of classes, I was tired of teachers, I was tired of GPAs. I just wanted to be done. I knew I would graduate in the top 10% and took great advantage of that knowledge by skipping classes and ignoring assignments. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do with my life, and put off applying to any good colleges. Because of my GPA/ACT score, i did receive a full-ride to a state school but the only reason I even applied there was because I knew I needed to go somewhere...One month before college started I got scared, and withdrew from the university. I applied to a small, local college and took classes that seemed interesting, rather than classes I would be able to transfer for a future degree. Looking back, at first glance, if I could do it over I would have applied to better schools, and followed through on my decision. I would have applied myself to my studies, and persisted through class. But, then, I wouldn't have formed the amazing friendships I found at that small, local college. I wouldn't have met, and married, my husband. I wouldn't have such great relationships with my younger siblings - the college I went to was literally across the street from my house so I was able to stay in very good contact with my sister and brother as they finished high school...These are all things I wouldn't want to trade away.

So. My next thought was, I would go back to when I set the date for my wedding. In hindsight, I know I got married too young. My husband knows I got married too young. I don't doubt for a minute that I married the "right" guy, but I do know that our first years of marriage were extremely hard and a lot of that was due to my immaturity, and just not really being ready to be married. But, then, who's to say i would have actually gone through with the wedding if it had been postponed? And if I hadn't married Jeff, I wouldn't have joined such an amazing family of in-laws, or met some of my dearest friends (including the couple we went out with last night). And I wouldn't have my two (can't think of an adjective descriptive enough) children - I wouldn't give my kids up for anything in the world - they are beautiful, and brilliant and such a joy in my life. And, a lot of who I am today is due to the hard work that Jeff (my hubby) and I had to put into our relationship because divorce just isn't an option...These are all things I wouldn't want to trade away.

I would say these are probably my two most pivotal "decision" moments in my 27 years of life so far, and although I'll sometimes get stuck in a rut and think "what if I had only done this differently" when I really am forced to sit and reflect, I don't think I could ever change the decisions I've made. Even though I make questionable decisions sometimes, the results of those decisions are part of what has molded me into who I am and am continuing to become. And that is something I wouldn't want to trade away.