I have absolutely no motivation to do any school work. I'd been doing pretty well, spacing things here and there, but this weekend I just want to crawl into bed and watch tv. I'm thinking the weather has something to do with it...
My mom watched my daughter today, so I could have an afternoon free (with just my 4 yr old who is pretty self-sufficient) - I spent that time doing anything I could think of to not have to study. I moved furniture. I dusted. (I don't dust.) I rearranged the cupboards. Whatever it took. And now, my kids are in bed, my husband is watching the Mizzou game (thank goodness for tivo) and I have a span of uninterrupted time that I could devote to reading, but instead all I can think of is a reese's peanut butter s'more. (If you haven't ever tried one, they are delicious).
So, I think I'll reach a compromise. I'll take 15 minutes to eat my s'more, and then back to studying. Maybe.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
pride comes before fall
Well, the title is a little dramatic for what I'm actually writing, but the funniest thing happened yesterday (and again, "funny" is used very loosely. it was funny to me) and caused me a myriad of emotions.
My son (Josh) is 4 (if you ask him, he is 4 1/2) and absolutely loves the concept of mail. I don't know if it was instilled into him from shows like "Blues Clues" when getting the mail is an event to sing about, but since he was a little guy (2?) he has loved receiving mail. I also think it is partially due to the first 3 years of his life we lived away from family, so he received consistent correspondence from his aunts/uncles and grandparents as a way to remember the family. Anyway, he loves mail. Receiving it, sending it - whatever you can do with mail, he likes it. And, since he has learned to write his name and has learned our address he likes to put his "letters" in envelopes and stick them in the mailbox (later to be retrieved by me or else we would never keep a regular postman). After he had gone through my supply of notecards/envelopes I informed Josh he would need to purchase his own notecards if he wanted to continue "sending" mail. A few weeks ago we were at Wal-Mart (if you are union, don't judge me) and he decided to pick out his very own notecards. I steered him away from the butterfly/flower cards, and convinced him the Halloween-themed cards were more manly. Within an hour of getting home, he had drawn pictures in each of the cards and sealed them in their respective envelopes.
On Sunday he came out of his room with a bucketful of these letters, and told me he would like to go to each of the neighbors and sell them his letters. (He's also very entrepreneurial, if that is a word, but that can be another blog) I convinced him not to sell his letters, but suggested he simply give the neighbors his letters after work on Monday. Thankfully he agreed.
So, there we were yesterday afternoon. We were playing in the front yard, and his friend Hayden came over to play and they both decided it was the perfect time to deliver mail. We live on a cul-de-sac, so I let him deliver the mail on his own while I watched from the driveway. I was so proud, watching him skip up the sidewalk to the various houses, singing "We're going to give the letters, the letters, the letters; We're going to give the letters, la la la la la la." I stood there, thinking "What a sweet boy I have. He's thoughtful, and generous, and is learning at a young age to spread joy to others." Most of the neighbors weren't home so he and Hayden took turns putting the envelopes in the space behind the glass door, and I stood there thinking "What a positive influence he has on his friends, and they are taking turns and cooperating - could I be any more proud?" A few houses up the road, a family arrived home as Josh was approaching their home. I went over to talk with the mom (and kind of give a disclaimer that he wasn't some freak kid, he just really likes mail) and I was standing there as the youngest son opened the letter Josh had given him. My expression of pride/pleasure quickly turned to horror as the little boy, rather than pulling out one of those Halloween-themed cards, pulled out a wallet sized picture of my 1 year old daughter.
I swear my stomach dropped. Was this what Josh had placed in each of the envelopes? Where did he even find those pictures? Why is he giving Gabby's pictures to the neighbors? How weird is that! I imagined the faces of the neighbors as they opened up these envelopes and found a sole picture of a 1 year old inside...a little freaky. I apologized to the family, took back my daughter's dignity, and called Josh over for an explanation. His response? "Mommy, I just wanted everyone to have a picture of my sister." Oh, how to explain to this sweet child that we no longer live in a world where that would be okay. So, I did my best to explain that giving pictures of his sister to families we really didn't know very well wasn't appropriate, and trying very hard not to kill his spirit I asked him if pictures of Gabby were in each of the envelopes he had delivered. The answer was yes. So, we went back around to each of the homes (praise God the families hadn't arrived home yet) and retreived the letters, all the while dealing with a sad-faced little boy who only wanted to share. I was fighting laughter, fighting empathy and fighting anger with myself for not even checking first to see what exactly he was planning on sharing with the neighbors. My afternoon of pride had quickly turned into one of embarrassment and self-criticizing...after some reflection I was able to laugh about it- enjoying the retelling of the story to my husband, and closest neighbor - who now has a picture of my 1 year old hanging on her refrigerator door.
My son (Josh) is 4 (if you ask him, he is 4 1/2) and absolutely loves the concept of mail. I don't know if it was instilled into him from shows like "Blues Clues" when getting the mail is an event to sing about, but since he was a little guy (2?) he has loved receiving mail. I also think it is partially due to the first 3 years of his life we lived away from family, so he received consistent correspondence from his aunts/uncles and grandparents as a way to remember the family. Anyway, he loves mail. Receiving it, sending it - whatever you can do with mail, he likes it. And, since he has learned to write his name and has learned our address he likes to put his "letters" in envelopes and stick them in the mailbox (later to be retrieved by me or else we would never keep a regular postman). After he had gone through my supply of notecards/envelopes I informed Josh he would need to purchase his own notecards if he wanted to continue "sending" mail. A few weeks ago we were at Wal-Mart (if you are union, don't judge me) and he decided to pick out his very own notecards. I steered him away from the butterfly/flower cards, and convinced him the Halloween-themed cards were more manly. Within an hour of getting home, he had drawn pictures in each of the cards and sealed them in their respective envelopes.
On Sunday he came out of his room with a bucketful of these letters, and told me he would like to go to each of the neighbors and sell them his letters. (He's also very entrepreneurial, if that is a word, but that can be another blog) I convinced him not to sell his letters, but suggested he simply give the neighbors his letters after work on Monday. Thankfully he agreed.
So, there we were yesterday afternoon. We were playing in the front yard, and his friend Hayden came over to play and they both decided it was the perfect time to deliver mail. We live on a cul-de-sac, so I let him deliver the mail on his own while I watched from the driveway. I was so proud, watching him skip up the sidewalk to the various houses, singing "We're going to give the letters, the letters, the letters; We're going to give the letters, la la la la la la." I stood there, thinking "What a sweet boy I have. He's thoughtful, and generous, and is learning at a young age to spread joy to others." Most of the neighbors weren't home so he and Hayden took turns putting the envelopes in the space behind the glass door, and I stood there thinking "What a positive influence he has on his friends, and they are taking turns and cooperating - could I be any more proud?" A few houses up the road, a family arrived home as Josh was approaching their home. I went over to talk with the mom (and kind of give a disclaimer that he wasn't some freak kid, he just really likes mail) and I was standing there as the youngest son opened the letter Josh had given him. My expression of pride/pleasure quickly turned to horror as the little boy, rather than pulling out one of those Halloween-themed cards, pulled out a wallet sized picture of my 1 year old daughter.
I swear my stomach dropped. Was this what Josh had placed in each of the envelopes? Where did he even find those pictures? Why is he giving Gabby's pictures to the neighbors? How weird is that! I imagined the faces of the neighbors as they opened up these envelopes and found a sole picture of a 1 year old inside...a little freaky. I apologized to the family, took back my daughter's dignity, and called Josh over for an explanation. His response? "Mommy, I just wanted everyone to have a picture of my sister." Oh, how to explain to this sweet child that we no longer live in a world where that would be okay. So, I did my best to explain that giving pictures of his sister to families we really didn't know very well wasn't appropriate, and trying very hard not to kill his spirit I asked him if pictures of Gabby were in each of the envelopes he had delivered. The answer was yes. So, we went back around to each of the homes (praise God the families hadn't arrived home yet) and retreived the letters, all the while dealing with a sad-faced little boy who only wanted to share. I was fighting laughter, fighting empathy and fighting anger with myself for not even checking first to see what exactly he was planning on sharing with the neighbors. My afternoon of pride had quickly turned into one of embarrassment and self-criticizing...after some reflection I was able to laugh about it- enjoying the retelling of the story to my husband, and closest neighbor - who now has a picture of my 1 year old hanging on her refrigerator door.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
If you could do it over...
Last night my husband and I went to the Cards game w/some very very dear friends. On the way home, while stuck in traffic, my one friend posed the question "If you could go back to one point in your life and change your decision or action, what would you do differently?" Apparently, she and her husband had discussed this on the way to stl (they are currently living in Kentucky), and she was curious as to what our responses would be.
It was really hard to decide. At first I thought I'd want go back to my senior year of high school. If I could do it over, I would take it more seriously. By my senior year, I was so ready to be done with school. I was tired of classes, I was tired of teachers, I was tired of GPAs. I just wanted to be done. I knew I would graduate in the top 10% and took great advantage of that knowledge by skipping classes and ignoring assignments. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do with my life, and put off applying to any good colleges. Because of my GPA/ACT score, i did receive a full-ride to a state school but the only reason I even applied there was because I knew I needed to go somewhere...One month before college started I got scared, and withdrew from the university. I applied to a small, local college and took classes that seemed interesting, rather than classes I would be able to transfer for a future degree. Looking back, at first glance, if I could do it over I would have applied to better schools, and followed through on my decision. I would have applied myself to my studies, and persisted through class. But, then, I wouldn't have formed the amazing friendships I found at that small, local college. I wouldn't have met, and married, my husband. I wouldn't have such great relationships with my younger siblings - the college I went to was literally across the street from my house so I was able to stay in very good contact with my sister and brother as they finished high school...These are all things I wouldn't want to trade away.
So. My next thought was, I would go back to when I set the date for my wedding. In hindsight, I know I got married too young. My husband knows I got married too young. I don't doubt for a minute that I married the "right" guy, but I do know that our first years of marriage were extremely hard and a lot of that was due to my immaturity, and just not really being ready to be married. But, then, who's to say i would have actually gone through with the wedding if it had been postponed? And if I hadn't married Jeff, I wouldn't have joined such an amazing family of in-laws, or met some of my dearest friends (including the couple we went out with last night). And I wouldn't have my two (can't think of an adjective descriptive enough) children - I wouldn't give my kids up for anything in the world - they are beautiful, and brilliant and such a joy in my life. And, a lot of who I am today is due to the hard work that Jeff (my hubby) and I had to put into our relationship because divorce just isn't an option...These are all things I wouldn't want to trade away.
I would say these are probably my two most pivotal "decision" moments in my 27 years of life so far, and although I'll sometimes get stuck in a rut and think "what if I had only done this differently" when I really am forced to sit and reflect, I don't think I could ever change the decisions I've made. Even though I make questionable decisions sometimes, the results of those decisions are part of what has molded me into who I am and am continuing to become. And that is something I wouldn't want to trade away.
It was really hard to decide. At first I thought I'd want go back to my senior year of high school. If I could do it over, I would take it more seriously. By my senior year, I was so ready to be done with school. I was tired of classes, I was tired of teachers, I was tired of GPAs. I just wanted to be done. I knew I would graduate in the top 10% and took great advantage of that knowledge by skipping classes and ignoring assignments. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do with my life, and put off applying to any good colleges. Because of my GPA/ACT score, i did receive a full-ride to a state school but the only reason I even applied there was because I knew I needed to go somewhere...One month before college started I got scared, and withdrew from the university. I applied to a small, local college and took classes that seemed interesting, rather than classes I would be able to transfer for a future degree. Looking back, at first glance, if I could do it over I would have applied to better schools, and followed through on my decision. I would have applied myself to my studies, and persisted through class. But, then, I wouldn't have formed the amazing friendships I found at that small, local college. I wouldn't have met, and married, my husband. I wouldn't have such great relationships with my younger siblings - the college I went to was literally across the street from my house so I was able to stay in very good contact with my sister and brother as they finished high school...These are all things I wouldn't want to trade away.
So. My next thought was, I would go back to when I set the date for my wedding. In hindsight, I know I got married too young. My husband knows I got married too young. I don't doubt for a minute that I married the "right" guy, but I do know that our first years of marriage were extremely hard and a lot of that was due to my immaturity, and just not really being ready to be married. But, then, who's to say i would have actually gone through with the wedding if it had been postponed? And if I hadn't married Jeff, I wouldn't have joined such an amazing family of in-laws, or met some of my dearest friends (including the couple we went out with last night). And I wouldn't have my two (can't think of an adjective descriptive enough) children - I wouldn't give my kids up for anything in the world - they are beautiful, and brilliant and such a joy in my life. And, a lot of who I am today is due to the hard work that Jeff (my hubby) and I had to put into our relationship because divorce just isn't an option...These are all things I wouldn't want to trade away.
I would say these are probably my two most pivotal "decision" moments in my 27 years of life so far, and although I'll sometimes get stuck in a rut and think "what if I had only done this differently" when I really am forced to sit and reflect, I don't think I could ever change the decisions I've made. Even though I make questionable decisions sometimes, the results of those decisions are part of what has molded me into who I am and am continuing to become. And that is something I wouldn't want to trade away.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Getting Started
"The secret of getting ahead is getting started." - Agatha Christie
Okay, so originally I noticed this quote because I really enjoy reading Agatha Christie mysteries and it's always fun to see a quote by someone you "know." But then it kind of stuck with me - partly because it's so simple to remember, but also because it's a simple concept that seems so difficult for me to follow. I have a bad habit of always wanting to just be finished, without having to take the time to actually start. Like, wanting to be done w/a paper or project but putting off actually beginning. Or wanting to be "grown up" without having to face responsibilities that are all part of the process. But when it all comes right down to it, you can never get ahead if you don't start in the first place. It doesn't have to be perfect the first time you try, and it might take you awhile once you begin, but you'll never get anywhere unless you...well, just start. See how simple that is? So, that's my personal challenge this semester. I'll never accomplish anything without beginning (now "Doe a Deer" from Sound of Music is running through my head...), so what better time to start than now?
That being said...I'm off to start reading the chapters for this week. =)
Okay, so originally I noticed this quote because I really enjoy reading Agatha Christie mysteries and it's always fun to see a quote by someone you "know." But then it kind of stuck with me - partly because it's so simple to remember, but also because it's a simple concept that seems so difficult for me to follow. I have a bad habit of always wanting to just be finished, without having to take the time to actually start. Like, wanting to be done w/a paper or project but putting off actually beginning. Or wanting to be "grown up" without having to face responsibilities that are all part of the process. But when it all comes right down to it, you can never get ahead if you don't start in the first place. It doesn't have to be perfect the first time you try, and it might take you awhile once you begin, but you'll never get anywhere unless you...well, just start. See how simple that is? So, that's my personal challenge this semester. I'll never accomplish anything without beginning (now "Doe a Deer" from Sound of Music is running through my head...), so what better time to start than now?
That being said...I'm off to start reading the chapters for this week. =)
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